And it came to pass, I had plans to see a movie with my good compadre Steven. He identifies as Sven, but some call him Howard. And by some, I mean me.
"Angi, why do you call him Howard?"
Good question reader! Have you seen "What's Up Doc?"
If you answered:
"No, I can't say that I've seen that"
oh......awkward......
But if you answered:
"Well duh! of course I've seen it! tis only one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces to ever grace the world with its majestic light and hilarity!
Dude, calm down, its just a movie.... anyway, remember how Barbara Streisand decides to call the Character Howard "Steve" for reasons that are never explained? When I met my Steven, I thought of the movie and asked him if he saw it. When he answered correctly by saying yes and expressed is affection for it, I deemed him worthy and decided to pull the opposite ploy of Barbara and called Steve "Howard" and it just stuck!
My dear friend, Howard, works at a movie theater and has been awesome enough to treat me to a few movies and we had plans for an evening at the cinema. I jumped in my car and pressed on to the theater. Now I will admit, I may or may not normally be a little speed demon. I have been lucky to have not been caught at speeds that may or not be labeled "excessive". BUT this time, I was driving at a reasonable speed.
*gasps of shock*
I know, I know. weird! But its true boys and girls. Now hush and sit down! I was cruising down the street behind a big ol' mama bear car. Keep in mind, we are on a main road. We are not near a street light, no stop sign, no left turn lane. Just a two way street. Before I could realize what was happening, three red lights appeared that would scare Roxanne off. I did not have ample time to react. I collided into the car ahead of me.
I sat in shock and the next thing I saw was another little dweeb of a car edge out from behind the car in front of me, make a U-turn, and drive away without a scratch on it. I guess I missed the memo that its okay to slam on your break in busy traffic on a main road so you can make a random U-turn. Just remember little car...karma is a b...belligerent entity.
The car ahead of me and I pulled over to the side of the road. I stepped out of my car and saw the bumper of the car I had hit. It wasn't bad! Just a few scratches and itty bitty bump! So I think "maybe my car wont be too banged up either then!" Oh no... My little car was no match and had a dented up hood and quite a bit of internal damage which would be discovered later on. But, thankfully, i walked away without a scratch. That accident could have been disastrous. But since I'm awesome and apparently invincible, all was well! So to that commercial on the radio that asks the question" who's in better shape, you or your car?", you have your answer. My car got totaled, but I'm fine. Just sayin.
After asking if the driver from the other car (who was a sweetheart by the way!) was alright, I went to get my papers so we could exchange information. I opened up my glove box, where i kept my insurance card. But to my dismay, I could not find the card. Anywhere. I didn't freak out at this point because, granted, I did have quite a bit of crap in there. Duct tape, pens, a note pad, floss, glow-in-the-dark starks, a mini deck of cards, a reasonable number of fruit snack packages, a mardi gras necklace, a couple of door handles that had broken off the car (funny story! but for another time kids), you know, the usual. So I kept looking. I cleaned out the glove compartment completely and it wasn't there. I then proceeded to look all under the seats, under other junk it could have been hiding under, but there were ain't hide nor hair of it! Blast!
Even though I was without my card, I still summoned my insurance. I did the jingle:
*Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!!.....With Hugh Jackman!*
When that didn't work and I cried for a good while....(on my own...)....
The sheriff showed up and I told him that I didn't have my card. He went off to fill out his paperwork and came back to me with the verdict. I had been in an accident before (whole other story, involving a flattened stop sign... It was like that when I found it?) so I feared what was coming to me. Much to my relief, he told me that he wanted to cut me a break. He was required to give me some sort of citation, but he decided that he was only going to cite me for...wait for it...... being way too sexy. I cannot afford another one of those! I pleaded with him to let me off the hook on that one. I've been trying so hard to hold back. But alas, he was not merciful on that part. He ended up giving me two citations. The 2nd was driving without proof of insurance. *hallelujah chorus* He could have cited me for a number of other expensive citations. But, bless his heart, he cited only me for something that was easily taken care of and erased right off my record with no fees! What a blessing eh??
There you have it! The Holy Ghost took my insurance card. I'm purdy positive that my card hasn't left that car. I had been pulled over recently for having expired tags and I had my card at that point. No other explanation! I really was blessed throughout this whole experience. Way more than I deserve! Good to know HG has my back! Its the simple things.
